Dirty Jokes

Ini adalah lawak yang aku pernah dengar dari Zamir Jr.

DJ 1:

Zamir:

Ada satu pertandingan yang dinamakan sebagai Siapa paling besar. Tema untuk tahun ini adalah BUAH.

antara acara yang dipertandingkan adalah buah dada siapa yang paling besar?

Peserta pertama mempunyai saiz sebesar buah tembikai,



peserta ke dua mempunyai saiz sebesar buah kepala,



dan peserta ke tiga mempunyai saiz sebesar buah limau bali,



cuba teka siapa yang menang?

Danny: sah- sah la yang saiz buah tembikai tue...

Zamir: Salah, jawapan dia buah dada yang sebesar buah limau bali...

Danny: Kenapa pulak?

Zamir: Sebab yang buah tembikai, buah kelapa, buah limau bali tue baru saiz nipple.. hahaha...


DJ 2:

Zamir:

Kali ini ada pertandingan siapa paling panjang. Dan acara ini telah berlangsung di Brazil, bagi tema pada tahun ini adalah, zakar siapa paling panjang?

Peserta pertama dari Jepun memiliki zakar sepanjang satu padang bola,

peserta ke dua dari Brazil memiliki zakar sepanjang satu pusingan stadium,

peserta ke tiga dari Malaysia......

Danny: mana pergi peserta Malaysia?

Zamir: Tunggu punya tunggu, hakim dah nak beri kata putus bahawa Malaysia tarik diri, tapi tiba- tiba je...

Danny: Tiba- tiba apa mir?

Zamir: Tiba- tiba je ada satu zakar landing dekat kawasan perlawanan...

Danny: Zakar siapa pula tue? Mana datang?

Zamir: Zakar peserta Malaysia, Dia baling je zakar dia dari Malaysia... Hahaha...

Danny: hahaha.. bodoh!

Dirty note

semalam masa aku tengah tunggu lecturer aku, aku pun lepak la dengan classamte aku, and they tell me a story... The story all about dirty jokes! FUCK U ADAM and ZAMIR.

Story 1:

ADAM: There is one couple who just get married, And they happy for the whole thing.

Me: Why?

ADAM: The man happy about the wHOLE, and the girl happy about the THING!

story 2:

ZAMIR: There is one soldier, dah pencen dah pun... Come and visit Malaysia, and suddenly he thinking of nak "chur" with a prostitute. Off he went to the Lorong Haji Taib and pick up the whore... At the hotel:

Scene 1:

while they "pap3"

GIRL: Sakit, Sakit....

Soldier: I don't want to suck it, I want to fuck it!

Scene 2:

They still "PAP3"

Girl: Tolong, tolong....

Soldier: Its not too long, It just nice...

Scene 3:

The Next morning after they "PAP3" the solder tgh isap rokok,

Girl: DUIT!!!

Soldier: Fuck you, I've already done four time last night!

Story 3:

Ada seorang pelajar Universiti Cross-Terbalik dapat satu berita yang atok nye dah kojol.... Off he went to his Grand-opah house....

Grand-cucu: I'm sorry for the lost

Grand-opah: menangis....

Grand-cucu: Can you tell me how did actually grand-atok died?

Grand-opah: Its to embarrass to tell...

Grand-cucu: Come on lah weh, Im already a College student, I'm sure I can keep up..

Grand-opah: Okay... Well, As u already know, we both are senior citizen, but we still have the desire to have sex... We do it every Sunday morning, and your atok follow the church-bell-ring.

ting tong

in out

ting tong

in out

Grand-opah: but yesterday, there is one fella jual ice cream, bunyikan loceng dye...

Kling, kling, kling, kling...

in out, in out, in out, in out...

Grand- opah: Atok ko ingat tue bunyi loceng gereja... dye pon ikot la beat loceng tue.. that the reason why he died...

Abbreviations:

CHUR- melanggan/ melacur

PAP3- beromen la!

I believe you guys pun ada dirty jokes kan? share with me!

p/s: sorry if the jokes doesn't make you laugh at all... :)

Akan Datang...

Sebelum mati...

Tanpa disedari dah hampir 21tahun aku hidup dimuka bumi Allah ni... Macam- macam benda yang dah terjadi... Dan aku tahu aku dah banyak buat dosa dan salah laku ( buat pahala paling kurang aku buat aku rasa). Tapi aku masih lagi belum puas nak tahu apa lagi yang ada kat muka bumi ni...

Jadi sebelum aku mati ada beberapa perkara yang ingin aku lakukan sebelum ajal tiba. Di antara perkara yang bermain difikiran aku sekaran adalah:

1. Aku teringin sangat nak jumpa dengan Artis kesayangan aku ni iaitu Jesse McCartney!
2. Teringin sangat nak pergi ke Jepun (kenapa? Nanti aku bagitahu)
3. Nak beli kan mak sebiji banglo
4. Teringin nak mengacarakan sebuah rancangan televisyen bersama Ryan SeaCrest

1. Last but not least aku nak buktikan kepada Cikgu aku a.k.a Cikgu Hasan yang Course Masscomm ada masa depan, ada prospektif!

H.O.M.E.

Rumah- Tempat kita tinggal, tempat kita berteduh dari hujan dan panas. Tempat kita berlindung. That's the basic definition of home. There is alot more than just place where we stay, home bring us memory, home bring us comfortable.

For me, home is the best place for you tp throw away all your problems. Home is the perfect place for you to run away from all the stress. Bila aku ada masalah dengan kawan- kawan, aku akan lari balik rumah.

Tapi rumah tak semestinya tempat yang paling sesuai bila kalian ada masalah keluarga kan? Home also can be the worst place ever to stay in. Home can be like hell, and for me, if I do have problems with my family, aku akan lari pergi jumpa kawan- kawan aku.

But, when you have problem with all your friends and family, mana kalian nak lari? Lari yang aku maksudkan ni bukannya lari dari masalah... Well literally memang la lari, cause for me, when I had a problem, I need some space. I need time to think, to keep myself rational. So, kena la lari kejab.

No matter how big or small the house, isi dalam rumah tu la yang akan menghidupkan rumah tu... Betul tak? Aku selalu berangan nak ada rumah besar. But my typical mind always remind me something, rumah besar = orang dalam rumah tu tak sebahagia rumah kecil. Tapi, bila aku berada dalam rumah yang aku ada sekarang, aku tengok bahagianya mereka ada rumah besar.

When I do the culculation, A Perfect Family is the real definition of HOME ( Perfect Family = HOME). Macam mana pula dengan mereka yang tak ada perfect family? Well, I guess Friend play a major roles. Another culculation emerge from me, Friendship Is the real definition of Home ( Friendship = HOME). Another issue akan timbul bila kita ada masalah dengan dua- dua pihak, when we do have problems with both family and friends, all I can conclude is...

Family + Friend = HOME RUN

P/S: Hahahaha... aku rasa sangat lawak, walaupun entry ni sangat bodoh... :'(

NAIPOKS! FOUNDATION.

Hari ini saya akan memperkenalkan kalian semua mengenai Ahli- ahli Naipok! dan detailnya sekali. Ini adalah kerana kami ingin mendedahkan kepada orunk ramai akan kewujudan dan entiti kami sebagai ahli Naipok! Foundation. Sebenarnya ramai lagi Ahli- ahli Naipok! Foundation tapi saya hanya akan memperkenalkan Ahli- ahli Majlis tertinggi Naipok! Foundation sahaja. Dalam Naipok! Foundation mempunyai lebih dari lima peringkat, empat element dan sepuluh peringkat. Setiap Naipoks! mempunyai keunikkan yang tersendiri.

Lima Peringkat Naipok!:

1. Royal Naipok!
2. Naipok! Perintis
3. Naipok! Wannabe
4. Top Naipok! Members
5. Naipok! Follower

Empat Elemen Naipok!:

1. Naipok! Bumi.
2. Naipok! Angin.
3. Naipok! Air.
4. Naipok! Api.

ROYAL NAIPOK!

Name: Aliya Azmi
Position: Pengasas Naipok! Foundation.
Ability: Can impress people with her Acquaintance of Anak Ikan/ Pucuk Muda.
Attacking skill: Naipoks! Attack!
Effect: Causing suffocation (Lemas).
Rate: 10/10 (5 star)
Level: 30 Sorority Life.

Element: Earth- Sebab dia hanya akan stabil bila kat bumi. Kalau dalam mesti air tenggelam, Kalau kat udara mesti jatuh.

Type: Naipok! Master.

Status: Pemerintah Naipok! Bumi (Dewi Naipok! Bumi)

Name: Mohd Nasrul Faiz b. Abu Azal

Position: YDP Naipok! Foundation.

Ability: Speech to persuade.

Attacking skill: Meraba dalam bus.

Effect: Anyone yang jatuh ke tangan beliau mesti tak boleh escape.

Rate: 9/10 (4.5 star)

Level: Confident level... haha..

Element: Earth- sebab dia sama macam Aliya.

Type: Sir Naipok!- Kasta dia bawak sikit je dari Aliya.

Status: Pemerintah tertinggi Naipok! Bumi (Raja Naipok! Bumi)

Name: Danny McCartney
Position: NYDP Naipok! Foundation.
Ability: Laugh out loud.
Attacking Skill: Scream!
Effects: Brain & eardrum damage.
Rate: 8/10 (4 star)
Level: 19 Rock! Lagend.

Element: Angin- Sentiasa bawa kipas dalam beg dia, dan sangat tak suka peluh dan panas

Type: Naipok! Duke

Status: Pemerintah Naipok! Angin (Dewa Naipok! Angin- Diiktiraf oleh K-O!, cuba masuk bilik dia, kipas sangat laju)

Name: Padin Razal Chendol

Position: Setiausaha Kehormat Naipok! Faundation.

Ability: Sssshhh-ing people

Attacking skill: Cursing people- "Ssshhh.. Mati kau!"

Effect: Mesti mati punya bila dah kena curse..

Rate: 8/10 (4 star)

Level: Level mate.

Element: Earth- Sebab dia pun sama macam Aliya and Faiz.

Type: Naipok! Mister.

Status: Pengikut Aliya & faiz ( Marhayum Naipok! Bumi)

NAIPOK! PERINTIS

Name: Shafeena Yussoff Khan a.k.a. Peanut @ Kacang

Position: Apperentis.

Ability: Posing kat tempat yang pelik2 (lihat gambar diatas).

Attacking skilsl: Shouting- "Pondan, pondan, POSE!" & Serang MakYong!

Effect: Unknown.

Rate: 6/10 (4 star)

Level: Level Sendiri.

Element: Angin- Sebab dia tak boleh diberi tahu, nanti dia sentap.

Type: Naipok! Elite.

Status: Pengikut Danny! (Puteri Naipok! Angin)

NAIPOK! WANNABE

Name: Ali Jowo
Position: Naipok- wannabe! / Nurse.
Ability: Womenizer (Memasak/mengemas/mengemop/menjait).
Attacking skill: Gigi attack.
Effect: LoveBite.
Rate: 7/10 ( 4 star)
Level: Unknown.

Element: Air- Ali senang terapung dekat air, kalau dia kena tiup angin terus melayang.

Type: Naipok! Follower.

Status: Pemerintah Naipok! Air (Dewa Naipok! Air)

Name: Joel
Position: Naipok! Naipok- wannabe!
Ability: Unknown.
Attacking Skill: unknown.
Effect: Unknown.
Rate: 5/10 ( 3 star)
Level: Unknown.

Element: Air- Suka berendam dalam air (lihat gambar diatas).

Type: Naipok! Follower.

Status: Pemerintah tertinggi Naipok! Air (Raja Naipok! Air)

TOP NAIPOK! MEMBERS!

Name: Khairul Aiman a.k.a. K-O!

Position: Naipok! Sentap

Ability: Debating

Attacking skill: Suka charot orang- love charot orang!

Effect: Menanah telinga

Rate: 5/10 (3 star)

Level: Level baru

Element: Api- Kuat sentap/ hangin memanjang.. HAhaha..

Type: Naipok! Follower.

Status: Pemerintah Naipok! Api (Dewa Naipok! Api)

Name: Shahrul Hafizi The 2nd a.k.a. Senga

Position: Naipok! Mercun

Ability: Jual Mercun, Menari tarian Jawa, Cari gadget2 yang murah2.

Attacking skill: Serangan Tidur

Effect: Orang lain tak boleh tido, kalau nak tido kena tido dulu sebelum dia.

Rate: 5/10 (3 star)

Level: Tak ada level, love merempat!

Element: Api- Sebab dia sekarang penjual mercun yang rasmi, kalau dalam air dia pun tenggelam juga.

Type: Naipok! Follower.

Status: Pemerintah tertinggi Naipok! Api (Raja Naipok! Api)

P/S: HAhahaha.. harap korunk tak marah apa yang aku buat ni. Semua details diatas diambil dari sumber Facebook.com dan pengaruh Pokemon serta Komik Helios Eclipse.

H.A.P.P.Y. A word that last's a life time!!

Recently, many people come out with their own dictionary, for example, one of my closest friends... His name is Becker. I think Aliya Azmi the 2nd also has her own dictionary, it just that she does not named it yet (I THINK!). For me, I also have my own dictionary named DANNIctionary. In our dictionary has specifically in term- term that you guys wouldn’t find in anywhere else. In our dictionary, there are few terms that will never be found anywhere. As for my dictionary, the definition for the word will be shown with picture. This will ensure the reader to have more understanding on the meaning to be delivered, despite of having those literal word.

Okay, let me recall about some of my term in my dictionary, do you guys still remember one of my entry “There is no charge for awesomeness and attractiveness”??? (Ceh wah, cerita macam blog aku ni ramai follower plak, hahahaha...). That is one of the definitions that you can find in my dictionary. Kalau macam Aliya Azmi the 2^nd pula, dia punya term yang still aku ingat adalah Cookies and pucuk muda, and for becker plak, banyak weh terms dia tapi yang paling aku ingat sekali adalah definisi Mulut itik muka pepet... HAhahahaha... Tak dilupakan juga Rick, term dia yang paling diingati ramai adalah CUPCAKES!! (hehehe... I LIKE!) (Rasanya dah lama sangat tak mention nama rick dalam blog aku ni, sorry rick)

Today, I want to share with you guys one of my definitions that you may find in DANNictionary, and the words is HAPPY, GROSS and SEXY.

Okay, follow the instruction carefully:

1. Go to your nearest bookstore.


2. Find the most experience shopkeeper there.


3. Ask him/ her where can you find the LATEST EDITION of DANNictionary


4. Search the word HAPPY, GROSS and SEXY.

The word HAPPY:
Definition no. 11
You can see his face

The word GROSS:
Definition no. 1

The word SEXY:
Definition no. 8

Hehehe... Aku tak bermaksud nak mengaibkan sesiapa dalam blog ni just that I find out these picture suits those word well... hahahaha...

Actually aku nak bagitau my current mood. I'm HAPPY but I'm not. Walaupun aku happy macam yang dalam gambar dekat atas tu, tapi aku still rasa something missing dalam diri aku. I admit that someone datang dalam hidup aku (Sorry sayang, aku tidak menduakan kamu, infact aku still love you and love you even more), dan aku rasa sangat happy thank to you (fikir la sendiri siapa dia), but when shit happens, the definition of HAPPY immediately berubah.

Therefore the real definition of HAPPY come to this:

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Mohd Nasrul Faiz b. Abu Azal/DicKiE aDaMs

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P/S: to faiz sorry bebanyak i just realize that aku xda gambar ko yang proper...